Hurt Feelings

In our ladies Bible study, we’re reading through Martha Peace’s book, Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for Problems Women Face. As the title indicates, the book aims to biblically offer solutions to various problems that women face. We’ve dealt with the following issues so far: gossip, slander, idolatrous emotional attachments, manipulation, and hurt feelings.

We addressed hurt feelings this week, a topic that has since been on my mind repeatedly and again tonight, so I thought I might post some of my reflections here. But before I do, some intro:

Peace opens the chapter by biblically defining hurt feelings, and then deals with two types of hurts: intentional and unintentional. Regarding intentional hurts, she writes:

Intentional hurts are sinful. They may be in the form of slander, name-calling, malicious comments and acts, or cruel threats. Whatever the form, you can overcome them only by responding righteously, not by adding additional wickedness.

With Scripture as her authority, Peace provides eight biblical principles in detail that can practically guide us in times when our feelings have been intentionally hurt, such as responding by showing love to God and the person sinning against us (Matt. 22:36-39; 1 Jn. 4:20-21), overcoming evil with good (Rom. 12:21), giving a blessing instead (1 Pet. 3:9), speaking the truth in love (Eph. 4:15), lovingly confronting (Gal. 6:1), praying for those who mistreat us (Luke 6:28), and thanking God for the test (Eph. 5:20).

It may not be easy to respond biblically and righteously to intentional hurts, as sometimes, they can be really hurtful and produce great pain, and Peace demonstrates throughout the chapter that she does indeed understand this, as she continues to consistently, graciously yet very firmly exhort us to obey God, and teaches that the Lord understands, He will help us, and that it is a privilege to be used for His glory.

As for overcoming unintentional hurts, Peace writes:

Unintentional hurts are sinful on the part of the person perceiving something as hurtful.

She explains that when we perceive something as being hurtful, when in reality we’re actually not being sinned against and no harm or hurt was intended, then we may be self-absorbed, overly-sensitive, shy, or proud, but we should face reality and think true and lovely thoughts, and give the other person the benefit of the doubt unless we can prove otherwise.

Peace is known for always providing charts of practical examples interspersed throughout lessons she teaches. I love them. From the chart in this chapter, I’ll include some of the responses she provides to both intentional and unintentional hurts below (I think they’ll help to give some more clarity on the nature of unintentional hurts in particular):

The Hurt: She wouldn’t let me help her. That hurt my feelings
The Response: I offered to help, and she has the freedom in the Lord not to accept my help. I’ll find something else to do.

The Hurt: The lady introducing me mispronounced my name. Everyone snickered. That hurt my feelings.
The Response: Anyone can make a mistake, and it was funny. I need to not be so sinfully proud. Instead, I should be more concerned about making her comfortable than I am about myself.

The Hurt: I would never have treated her the way she treated me. That hurt my feelings.
The Response: I am perfectly capable of sinning worse than she did. I will give her a blessing and try to help her.

The Hurt: He got angry when I simply asked a question. That hurt my feelings.
The Response: He was sinning and not showing love when he got angry. Lord, what should I say in response that will convict him to be patient, honor You, and show love to others?

Reflections:

By simply scanning the table of contents, it’s obvious that this book will come with a good dose of conviction. And may it be so, as the Holy Spirit conforms us to the image of Christ, for the glory of God. But man does it hurt (for lack of a better word). This chapter has been particularly convicting, and I want to honor and obey God and be done with sin so bad, but…well…you know. Yes, Christian, you know. You know it well, I’m sure. Paul knew it too (Romans 7). And so, tonight, I turn to the Gospel, and continue to strive, by the grace of God and through the power of the Holy Spirit, to mortify my pride (my diagnosis yet again; along with a conglomeration of other sins), as I see it factor into this issue of hurt feelings.

By the way, I happen to have a few extra copies of this book on me, and would love to give them out to whoever wants one.

~ by nve on November 16, 2008.